Welcome to #TransTuesday! It’s time for the third installment of THE UNINTENTIONAL (?) TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO! Tillyvison core operating at peak efficiency, it’s time to Silo up! This week we’re covering episodes two and three of season 1!
This would be a remarkably bad place for you to begin reading these, but if you’re new, welcome! You’ll want to start with PART 1.
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And PART 2!
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EPISODE 2
They wrap Holston with the bad tape. His last words? “Sorry for all the fuss.” He’s still putting the feelings of cis people over his own need to learn the truth about himself, so deep is the conditioning to conform. We shouldn’t have to apologize for our existence.
Again, see the trans tuesday on CIS GRIEF for more on how awful this is.
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While outside, sees EXACTLY what Allison saw. “They have to see.” And so he cleans the sensor. He’s trying to help everyone else see the truth that he sees, but of course they can’t. Inside the screens show the dead world outside, but Holston’s shows life.
But he can’t see Allison’s body. He takes his helmet off and then crawls to her, dies next to her. Marnes and Jahns are worried riots will start over a sheriff being sent to clean. Someone in power not playing by the rules breaks their brains.
They don’t know what happened pre-rebellion, or what caused the rebellion, but maybe it was someone being sent to clean. So they need a new sheriff ASAP to MAINTAIN ORDER.
Walk is listening on her illicit radio. Communication is only for those in power (the sheriff and deputies have radios while the general public do not). And what do trans people need to self-actualize? Communication with our subconscious desires and the truth in our hearts.
Again, I’ve written a WHOLE LOT on those very things in BEGIN TRANSMISSION: THE TRANS ALLEGORIES OF THE MATRIX. Get a copy today whydontcha?
So what also helps trans people self-actualize? Communication with other trans people who’ve been through it before, and show us we can do it too. And if all communication is controlled or restricted by cis society, how much more difficult does all of that become?
Juliette says George was paranoid because their relationship “wasn’t sanctioned.” Again, they had their bodily autonomy taken from them, they weren’t allowed to openly be in a relationship of their own choosing.
And taking our bodily autonomy back, even in small ways, can make you feel like you’re going to get caught and outed.
We learn here that suicide is a crime against the silo. Which means your body is more important to them than you are as a person. Again, this society has NO bodily autonomy. And this is totally how cis society treats trans people, when you stop to think about it for a second.
Holston and Juliette, in flashback, go see the site of George’s death. He notices her watch is a relic, she gets defensive and says it’s legal. This is him spotting something about her that lets him know SHE’S NOT LIKE THE OTHERS.
It’s two trans people recognizing hints of transness in each other, even though they haven’t yet realized it in themselves. And yes, this absolutely happens. I had a friend pre-transition I always felt a kinship with I couldn’t explain. More than just platonic love.
We lost touch for a while, and when we reconnected… both of us had transitioned. I couldn’t have told you she was trans back then, but I also couldn’t have told you *I* was trans back then. But we both were, and you can see that spark you have inside in others.
Holston knows Juliette and George were seeing each other, but won’t tell anyone. He’s already more interested in truth than rules, so you see why he eventually came out.
She takes him to the place George found. Juliette “What I’m about to show you is more illegal than any relic. I’m sure up top knows about it but they don’t seem to care. ” Holston: “I’m from up top and I have no idea where we’re going.”
This is showing you even people at the top, people in POWER like the sheriff, have the truth hidden from them by those who are running things. ALL OF US, including the cis het white men with the most power in society, are fed the lie of gender assigned at birth.
They go into a massive cavern with the digger that dug the silo, and to George’s little camp. She shows Holston the box of relics. George sold and traded them, and was obsessed with the before-times. He was searching for truth. About himself and people like him.
She finds the hard drive, a red level relic and a threat to order in the silo. Juliette, “I don’t care about the order in the silo, I want you to do your job.” To her, George’s truth is more important than the “order” the silo wants.
Holston: “Maintaining order in the silo IS my job.” Again, he was an integral part of the power structure that kept Flamekeepers/trans people oppressed, even without realizing it. This comes up a LOT in the Matrix trans allegory discussions, but briefly:
The lie of the cisgender binary matrix, that gender is immutable and based on external genitalia at birth, was established by cis white men and it keeps them in power and at the top of the social hierarchy.
By buying into that lie, by never questioning it, you UPHOLD the system that gives them the advantage and keeps trans people oppressed. You are a VITAL part of it. If you believe the lie, and don’t rock the boat, they stay at the top.
If you realize that it’s a lie, EVEN IF *YOU* AGREE WITH THE GENDER YOU WERE ASSIGNED AT BIRTH, you are disrupting their power structure. Refusing to see it, to be aware of it, to fight it, is exactly what they want and NEED you to do.
George is looking for a door, at the end of the tunnel he saw on the blueprints. But it’s under the water and that scares Juliette. If he has to go down there she doesn’t want to know until after. This is our first water appearance, and note it TERRIFIES Juliette.
But she overcomes that fear just long enough, due to seeing and knowing George, and her curiosity about the truth, and goes down the rope. She dangles above the water, and loses her light.
The water, the dysphoria, is RIGHT THERE. And it’s SO BIG. And now, thanks to George, she’s realized it’s there, and it scares the crap out of her, and it’s literally stealing the light. And she’s left dangling above it, terrified of falling in.
EPISODE 3
Juliette makes it back up the rope, but she’s terrified. We see her drinking and being self-destructive, and guess what happens to a lot of people when they realize the thing that always made them feel terrible was gender dysphoria?
In here we learn they need to shut down the generator and make a real fix. The system is broken and no band aid will fix it. It needs an entire overhaul. And Juliette is the only one who can fix it (which sets up that she’s the only one that can maybe fix their society).
We learn later that Bernard’s the one in charge of everything, and it’s important to know that now, when he says, “It doesn’t matter what I want, I just run the numbers.” The numbers that JUST SO HAPPEN to confirm exactly what he wants. What a coincidence.
Bernard says Juliette is a thief who stole four boxes of H57 tape from IT. This is heat tape that keeps their servers from cooking. I only mention it now because this is where it comes up, but again we’re gonna talk about the heat tape at the end.
Bernard says every hour the silo doesn’t have a sheriff, or a clear authority figure, the probability of disaster increases. He says citizens are arming themselves because they don’t know who’s going to protect them. BUT FROM WHAT HMM?? Protect them from WHAT, Bernard?
Everyone’s excited to see mayor Jahns in the mids. “I came to remind you how important you are, this community and the way you love each other that holds the silo together.” Oh, the lies. I mean, she may believe them. We often fool ourselves into believing the lies we’re told.
Because that’s a lot easier than saying, wait… that’s not true at all, it’s control and oppression that keeps this system operating the way it does. ESPECIALLY when you are PART of that control and oppression, even if unknowingly.
Jahns goes to see Dr. Nichols, Juliette’s father. He says the loss of her brother and mother was hard on her, and she always had an interest in machines as a kid. “Always figuring out how things worked, how to fix them if they didn’t.” This is kind of what being trans is.
In fact, see the trans tuesday on SEARCHING FOR MEANING (when you’re trans and don’t know it) to understand how INCREDIBLY trans this is. We’re always trying to figure out how things work, why the insides are different from the outsides, in an attempt to better understand ourselves.
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And it’s not just me who had that odd love of cutaways and blueprints and diagrams. After that trans tuesday came out, so many (like SO. MANY.) other trans people told me they always had the same fascination too. It is officially A Thing.
Juliette about being on the rope: “It’s so hard to describe. It wasn’t the darkness I was worried about, I just felt… scared. That much water, it was more water than I’d ever seen… and I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t go down there. I feel pissed off.”
That’s it, hanging on the precipice, knowing what’s down there but NOT knowing what’s on the other side. That’s seeing and knowing your dysphoria, but being afraid to confront it or see what’s on the other side of it. It’s Neo out on the ledge in the first Matrix movie all over again.
Jahns says she thought Holston would succeed her as mayor. This shows you that the system is self-perpetuating, those with power are given more, those without are left without. Until someone like Holston uses his power to uplift those without, like making Juliette sheriff.
This is how systemic change begins, by uplifting the voices of the marginalized, letting them tell their own stories, giving them the power to effect change that will help everyone.
The generator is failing for real. Juliette goes in to try and save it, and relieves some pressure but the problem persists. This is a metaphor for her acknowledging her dysphoria, seeing the water down there. What’s water under pressure? Steam. Which POWERS the generator.
The pressure cis society puts trans people under is literally what powers their ability to stay at the top and in control. Juliette relieved some of the pressure on her by acknowledging that dysphoria… knowing what it is can be a relief after a lifetime of not.
But the problem persists. It’s not a solution. It’s just the first step to fixing the actual problem.
Jahns goes to see Walk, and mentions Walk’s radio is “so prohibited by the pact I don’t know where to start”. Walk was married to a lady but it went south. We learn why that is later on, and yep, it ties in to Walk being a closeted trans person.
Juliette sees Marnes and asks if she’s under arrest, it’s the first thought that came to her. Because even if she hasn’t consciously self-accepted, she KNOWS she’s been asking the right (“wrong”) questions and society won’t tolerate it.
Jahns says Holston wanted Juliette to replace him as sheriff. Juliette is surprised, and declines. She doesn’t want to be part of the machinery of oppression, she wants to FIX things. And they don’t seem to let people do that. Jahns gives Juliette Holston’s badge, as he requested.
Juliette says Hank, the down deep deputy, should be the sheriff. But “they’d make him cut his hair”. She knows that to be up top you must conform, and she has zero desire to do that.
Hank sees something on the back of the badge. Juliette looks at it. We learn later it says “truth.” It’s the sign Holston said he’d send her. She tells Jahns she’ll take the job, on the condition she FIXES the generator before leaving. They have to shut it down.
Jahns: “That’s never been done. People are going to be terrified.” Juliette: “People are going to be terrified when the rotor shatters, and we’re living off the backup in darkness. Forever.” Just because something’s never been done, and people are scared of it, doesn’t make it bad.
And if you DON’T fix the massive (societal) problem, it “could leave 10,000 people in the dark forever.” Again, we say hello to SUPERtext.
Jahns says tonight, with power off for generator repair, people will be scared. If the power stays off? They’ll need the keys to the gun safe. The people at the top immediately jump to violence to secure their station. Not helping the scared people, not medical teams on standby. GUNS.
Okay listen, even outside the allegory I’m talking about, the entire generator repair scene is an absolute MASTERCLASS in stakes and rising tension. It is some truly fantastic writing, acting, and directing. Just be sure you appreciate it. It’s television at its best.
During the repair, Jahns and Marnes go out to look at the dark and empty silo. They’re the only ones who can break curfew, so they flaunt the rules with no repercussions. Nobody else would be allowed to do what they’re doing, and they take it for granted.
This is exactly what cis people do with a lot of things, a big one is all the gender confirming medical care they get and then turn around and deny that care to trans people. See the trans tuesday on CIS PEOPLE GET GENDER AFFIRMING HEALTHCARE TOO for more info.
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They’re out of time to repair the generator, the pressure is too high and it could explode. Juliette buys them more time by going in with the overheating valve with a fire hose to cool it down…. it works, but she’s in a hole and the water is rising and she can’t shut it off.
THE WATER IS RISING AND SHE CANT SHUT IT OFF. The dysphoria is growing and you can’t stop it! But she stays because it’s the only way to fix the problem.
You must acknowledge the dysphoria before you can fight it. Even though it may drown you. But if you get through it, you can save yourself… and everyone else. It’s a COMMUNITY EFFORT. She saves them and they save her. We get through TOGETHER. And the lights come back on.
Jules goes to see Walk and gives her the video camera relic, hoping she can figure out what it is. Walk tells her “don’t end up like George,” because asking questions and challenging authority can get. You. Killed. (Why do you think Walk has stayed in the closet her whole life?)
Juliette flips Holston’s badge, and we see TRUTH etched into the back. And up she goes to take the job, hunt for the truth, and try to make a change. Can she? Will she? And what happens when the truth isn’t what you want it to be?
Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com
Ps – Part 4 is here!