Welcome to #TransTuesday! This week we’re discussing something you might not have ever thought about in this exact way. I know I certainly hadn’t. What are we talking about? UNDERWEAR. But honestly, really and truly, what we’re talking about is TRANS FREEDOM.
There are some prerequisites for this topic! I mean you don’t HAVE to read these others first, I can’t FORCE you. I’m not the boss of you. All I’m saying is they’d help. A lot. So definitely check out the Trans Tuesday on HEAVILY GENDERED CLOTHES AND TRANS PEOPLE.
But also pretty vital to what I’ll be discussing, and something nearly every trans person has to deal with at some point, is the Trans Tuesday on TUCKING AND BINDING.
I’m sure you’re already familiar with the ways underwear is SO incredibly gendered in our society. You really can’t exist in our society without being aware of it, which is kind of odd when you think about it for two seconds.
But also I want to remind you that for me, as a trans woman, I could not so much as think about stepping outside without having to pause and think about my underwear and my junk. Which underwear am I wearing? Am I tucked? Will I get assaulted if not?
Having to stop and think about your undies before going anywhere or doing anything outside your home is a very real thing trans people have to deal with, especially trans women. And if you’re cis, I want you to stop and think for a moment how entirely WEIRD that would be for you.
Tucking was extraordinarily uncomfortable for me for a long time. Physically, I mean, not emotionally (though it definitely is that too, for a lot of trans women). And it was a reminder, every second I was out, that I was trans and had to literally hide part of myself for safety.
I couldn’t ever not feel it, right? Especially when walking, or sitting down, or… well, existing. And that’s a really awful thing to have an actual constant reminder of. Nobody walks around thinking about their genitals every second! But it’s a thing lots of trans women are forced into.
Before we talk more about genitals and underwear, which I know you’re all so excited to read more about, I want to take a small diversion to roughly touch on other ways trans people have our freedoms restricted.
The big one for most of us is GENDER DYSPHORIA, which is oppressive and painful and, for some, completely debilitating. It prevents you from living your life and can make every waking moment a living hell. See the Trans Tuesday on it for more info.
And if you’re cis, you may not understand how that restricts your FREEDOM, so for comparison please see the Trans Tuesday on INTO THE UNKNOWN aka A WHOLE NEW WORLD aka WHAT IS HAPPENING, when I got to experience the world for the first time WITHOUT dysphoria.
And see the Trans Tuesday on FREEING UP MY BRAIN aka LUNCH WITH TILLY for more on how the lack of (or lessening of) dysphoria finally FREED ME UP to experience so much of what I’d been missing.
That’s a lot, I know, but I think you need it. Because what you’ll see in those is how restrictive life with dysphoria is, and all the tangible ways my life improved when my freedom increased due to my dysphoria finally dissipating.
“Oh my god, Tilly, that’s so many past Trans Tuesdays. Are you going to link them ALL?” Okay, listen. LISTEN.
L I S T E N.
I’m trying to show you how INCREDIBLY restrictive our society makes existing as a trans person. I want you to REALLY, REALLY GET IT.
Every day, everywhere we go, everyplace we are, we are constantly caged and locked down by dysphoria and society in so many different ways. Being trans shouldn’t be hard! IT’S ONLY DIFFICULT BECAUSE SOCIETY MAKES IT THAT WAY.
So how the ever-lovin’ heck does this relate to underpants? Okay, let’s bring it back around. Did you notice I’ve been talking about things in the past tense? Good eye! Something’s changed.
If one of the ways I’m restricted is that I always have to think about my junk and my undies, FREEDOM comes into play if and when I no longer have to do that.
I mentioned in the TUCKING/BINDING thread that I’d found Tuck Buddies on Etsy. They make undies for trans women to assist with tucking, and they worked okay. They helped. But I was still tucking.
I didn’t wear them all the time, just when going out. And as I mentioned in the Trans Tuesday on CLOTHES, I already had non-tuck-specific women’s underwear that I wore all the rest of the time. But I’d have to stop and think about which I had on before going out.
Even still, I couldn’t wear my women’s undies or the Tuck Buddies on my runs, which are very much still about maintaining the body I want to have AS PART OF MY TRANSITION, as I talked about in the Trans Tuesday on BODY HACKING.
So on my runs, I’d have to wear my old boy undies, under either running tights or biking shorts, with another pair of loose shorts over them to hide everything. And let me tell you, EVERY DAY, having to put boy underwear back on DESTROYED me. Made me feel like absolute trash. Dysphoria everywhere.
And while some trans women tuck for their own benefit, some of us, myself included, do it ONLY so CIS PEOPLE will not harass or assault us. Even still, we get STARED at, and it sucks, and yeah there’s a Trans Tuesday on that too. (don’t do it! It’s bad!)
A while back a few trans lady friends told me about Leo Lines, also a company on Etsy making undies and swimsuits for trans women. These ladies felt they worked a bit better, and though expensive, I gave them a try.
So I got a pair, and the first time I put them on… I could tell they were different. They don’t work for everyone the same, it’s going to depend on the cut you get and your anatomy. But for me? They are M A G I C.
I NO LONGER HAVE TO TUCK! EVER! Mind you I have to, uh, situate things differently than I used to, but it’s not remotely a tuck. I just pull them up and… that’s it.
THAT
IS
IT.
I don’t have to tuck. I don’t have to feel uncomfortable and be thinking about my crotch every second of the day I’m out of our apartment. I don’t have to stop and think about my underwear before leaving to go anywhere!
WHAT KIND OF A SENTENCE EVEN IS THAT? “I don’t have to stop to think about my underwear.” Goodness. Nobody should ever have to do that, yet here we are. And I don’t have to do it anymore! I am FREE.
I immediately ordered several more pairs, and now they’re ALL I wear. And I got to thinking… what if… what if I tried them on my runs? I can’t run while tucked, but I’m NOT tucked, so… it should be doable? Right?
Let’s give it a go.
Readers. Friends. Loved ones. I am here to tell you I CAN EVEN WEAR THEM WHEN RUNNING. I DON’T NEED TO HAVE BIKE SHORTS OR RUNNING TIGHTS OVER THEM!
In the summer, when it’s 85 and above when I’m running, having undies and then spandex bike shorts to tamp things down, and THEN running shorts on top of it was oppressively hot. It was miserable. But I had no choice.
And now… I do. I HAVE OPTIONS. I HAVE
FREEDOM.
I can just wake up in the morning, NOT EVEN HAVE TO CHANGE MY UNDIES MUCH LESS PUT BOY UNDIES ON, pull on my running shorts and sports bra and tank top… and go.
F R E E D O M.
Even this little bit has helped so much. It has FURTHER freed up my brain from having to worry about if I’m tucked “good enough” to be safe, if I have the right underwear on, if I’m going to be miserably uncomfortable all day.
It’s freed me from having to keep, and wear, the very last vestiges of the clothes I was forced into for my entire life. Clothes that made me feel miserable. Clothes that made me feel like I was drowning again. Even if they were under all women’s running clothes.
THEY. ARE. GONE. They weigh me down no longer. And I was so happy to finally be rid of them I took a photo of them in the trash to cherish forever.
A pile of men’s boxer briefs in a trash can.
When the society that we live in restricts trans rights at every turn, when we have to check the bathroom situation of every new place we go to, when we have to worry that every stranger might misgender us or worse…
The smallest things get magnified in importance.
Because they let us say, even if just in one small way, you cannot stop me.
I AM FREE.
Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com