Welcome to #TransTuesday! It’s part eight of THE UNINTENTIONAL (?) TRANS ALLEGORY OF SILO! Tillyvison set to 4k ultra HD, it’s time to Silo up! We’re going to cover episode 9, and this one has a MAJOR confirmation of one of my theses!
If this is the seventh part, where’s PART 1? Good question.
But Tilly! We also need PART 2! Okay.
Do you have PART 3, Tilly? DO I?? What do you think I am, some kind of amateur?
And PART 4? Look, you’re asking a lot, don’t you think?
Tilly! We want PART 5. *sigh* You take and you take, and I give and I give.
Annnnd PART 6? Pretty please? Okay, sure, I guess. But only because I love you.
In fact, I love you so much, you can have PART 7 too.
EPISODE 9
So let’s talk about Bernard’s red glowing 18 keychain, which lights up when drive 18 (the hard drive George found and Juliet now has, with the historical information on it) is active. There seems to be some indication that 18 is a significant number metaphorically.
There are those who say it represents success, or overcoming obstacles with prosperity on the other side, or closing one chapter of life to begin another. All of which apply directly to the surface story but also in terms of the truth of trans peoples’ past, and of ourselves.
I dunno if there’s actually anything to that, but I thought it interesting enough to mention. Anyway, we get a scene of Billings at home struggling with the Syndrome, which is getting worse.
And his wife (cruelly, in my opinion), says: “…when you think about your secrets and your pride about what you’re qualified to do, picture your daughter growing up without you.” He says that’s not fair. She says: “that’s the truth.”
Billings is afraid he’s going to get outed, or will even accidentally out himself, and what it might cost them. And his wife is telling him to bury it deep, as deep as he can, because HE OWES IT TO HER AND THEIR KID – O B L I G A T I O N S.
She’s never really concerned with what HE wants or how HE feels, it’s all about her. Again, cis people, frankly, do this to trans people all the time. How many times has the Trans Tuesday on CIS GRIEF come up? So many. It’s one of the major themes of this season.
Billings: “When I was 17 there was another kid, Justin Carlson, who had the syndrome. Most kids didn’t know, but I knew. I saw him trying to hide it the same way I did. And he knew I had it too.” I mean I’ve told you we trans folks can kind of spot each other, but I digress.
Billings: “One day he approached me and asked me about it, like he was trying to make a friend. I hit him so hard I knocked one of his teeth out. I told him if he ever told anyone, or if he ever talked to me again, I’d hit him harder.”
“That’s how important it was for me to keep that secret, to keep people from knowing that I had some defect, that I was someone the Pact said could only have a job with no physical requirement because I was different. I am not limited by what others think I am capable of.”
There’s a LOT in there about the ableism in the silo and in our society, but it’s also incredibly trans, because transphobes ABSOLUTELY see being trans as a “defect” that should limit what we’re able to do in society, right down to EXISTING within it.
And look how Billings resorted to violence against other trans people, simply to keep his own transness hidden. Trans people are human, we’re as flawed as anyone else. It happens.
When Judicial raids Medical, there’s an important exchange where Dr. Nichols says he wouldn’t turn in Juliet even if he knew where she was, and asks Sims if he’d turn in HIS child.
Sims says he would, “because no one person is more important than the 10,000, or the thousands to come,” which is ignoring that Juliet and the flamekeepers are PART of that 10,000 and more will keep being born, too! So it’s absolutely a lie.
But it ALSO further shows his hypocrisy, which we see a lot more of when he sends raiders to watch his wife and kid. His wife used to be a raider and SHE WILL NOT LET THEM INTO HER OWN HOME (again, rules for thee but not for me).
She puts their kid in his bedroom and pulls a GUN out of her bag. (AGAIN, RULES FOR THEE BUT NOT FOR ME.) We learn in a moment she kept a pair of handcuffs, too. The rules are only there FOR THE PEOPLE WE WANT TO OPPRESS, but not for those making the rules.
As raiders search Juliet’s apartment, Billings sees her mirror is smashed. After Judicial leaves he breaks in and finds a shard of broken glass on the floor. One side is a mirror, the other he can see through. He has proof Juliet was telling him the truth.
If he’s trans and has been hiding it, he’d know the mirrors were lying to him, right? But he doesn’t. So he’s suppressed it so far down to hide it from society that he was hiding it from himself, pretending it wasn’t there. He was trying to convince HIMSELF he was cis.
But we’ve seen the Syndrome is getting worse for him, his transness is getting harder to hide as he sees more trans people around him, and something deep inside him wants to be free like them. So I see this glass as a moment of self-acceptance, however small.
He’s realizing that maybe he doesn’t have to hide himself, that he SHOULDN’T have to hide his truth just to make him more acceptable to a highly bigoted society. Which tracks perfectly because he then finds the Georgia book behind Juliet’s medicine cabinet.
The briefest amount of acceptance of his truth has opened him up to learning more about the world, the TRUTH of the world, and of himself. It works so well it’s kinda genius.
Bernard has brought Lukas into his office for questioning. Bernard: “Would you consider yourself a curious person?” You understand what Bernard is asking him, right? Are you TRANS curious? Do you have QUESTIONS about THINGS WE TOLD YOU NOT TO QUESTION?
Bernard: “I understand that you like to go up to the cafeteria at night and chart the lights in the sky.” Lukas: “Just a hobby to pass the time.” No no I’m not REALLY curious about it, I’m just… bored. Ha ha ha.
Bernard knows Juliet destroyed her mirror, “destroying the air quality monitor behind it” (oh! more lies! Right to a trans person’s face!). And he knows she showed Lukas a restricted hard drive. Lukas says he didn’t do anything. I just LOOKED at her transness, I didn’t want it!
Bernard: “The sheriff showed you a restricted red-level relic, and you told no one.” If you see someone not conforming, your job, your duty, your OBLIGATION TO SOCIETY is to turn them in and uphold our power. If you don’t, you’re one of them.
The Matrix films delve into this brilliantly, but let me sum up again as briefly as I can. Trans people aren’t a big enough part of the population to effect change on our own. So until cis people stand up as a group and demand an end to our oppression, it will continue.
This means by NOT being an ally and fighting for trans rights, you are actually an ACTIVE part of the system that oppresses us. They WANT you too concerned with OBLIGATIONS to realize you’re part of the system oppressing the people that are a threat to their power.
Bernard is stating that outright, from the cis oppressor perspective. You saw someone who was trans and DIDN’T TELL US? That makes YOU part of the problem! You see what that’s getting at, I hope?
The oppressors do not CARE ABOUT YOU, they are USING YOU to oppress us. And the second you even THINK about NOT BEING PART OF THAT, you’re a threat to them just like we trans people are.
Bernard, discussing Lukas’ punishment: “Considering the scope of your BETRAYAL, maybe a cleaning would be more appropriate.” SHOULD I TELL PEOPLE YOU’RE TRANS TOO, LUKAS? FORCEFULLY OUT YOU AND CAST YOU OUT FROM SOCIETY?
Lukas lets his fear guide him. He’d rather be an agent of the system than do the difficult work of having to fight for his right to exist as his true self. And so he tells Bernard what he knows. Betrayal indeed. But not of oppressive society, but of we Flamekeepers who needed him.
Bernard tells Sims he knows he sent raiders to protect his family. They’re facing “extinction” (so dramatic) and he put his own family first. Remember Sims said before he’d turn in his own son to protect the Silo, and this is in direct contradiction to that. THEY’RE ALL LIARS.
Juliet finds the video George made on the hard drive. He never meant to put Juliet in danger. But there’s stuff on the drive people need to see. The truth. But she has to leave before she can see the rest, or she’ll get caught.
Billings is still looking at the Georgia book. Crying. Because of the truth he’s realizing, the lies he believed, the way his entire world is turning upside down now that he’s learning the truth about the world and himself. I mean, it’s a LOT to deal with when it happens, friends.
He puts the book in the oven to burn it, but takes it back out and rips out a page, then burns the rest. What page did he save? The one with the BEACH, and the WATER. The CONTROLLED, CALM, and ORDERED peace of knowing, naming, and dealing with dysphoria. YEP.
Juliet watches the rest of George’s video. He found the door he was looking for. It’s 15 feet high, metal. He can’t get through it but maybe she can. He won’t be able to fix society, but maybe she, or someone after her, can, if the truth keeps being told.
Again and again, the more trans people that come out, the more will continue feeling safe and inspired to come out. And do you know what it takes to open a 15 foot high metal door that could hold the answers to everything? Prolly a LOT OF PEOPLE.
George: “I’m guessing you’re wondering what I did about the water. Well, it turns out it was nothing to worry about.” what have I been telling you???
WHAT
HAVE
I
BEEN
TELLING
YOU!!!!
The water, the dysphoria, is nothing to worry about once you can recognize it, name it, and get rid of it! Transition and eliminating dysphoria isn’t that easy, of course, but, y’know, metaphor.
Billings in the sheriff office sees a copy of the pact on the desk, and puts it away. And then takes out the ripped page to look at it. The symbolism is HEAVY. Put away the false rules of society and look at the truth of what’s really possible. SUPERTEXT.
Sims is talking with his wife, and she’s upset that Sims was coming with trigger happy raiders. He says he gave them orders not to fire. But she’s been on those raider teams and knows what can happen. Again, do you see? THEY KNOW IT’S ALL A DANGEROUS SHAM.
“We have one goal. One ambition. And we will not lose sight of that.” They have their own desires apart from protecting the silo, even more than we’ve seen.
HYPOCRITES ALL THE WAY DOWN.
Juliet watches the Jane Carmody cleaning. She sees the trees and blue sky and birds outside.
Shit is about to go down.
Next week is our stunning conclusion! DO NOT MISS IT.
Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com
Ps – Part 9 is here!