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THE INTENTIONAL (!) TRANS ALLEGORY OF BARBIE, part 8

Welcome to #TransTuesday! It’s time for this installment of Tillyvision to come to a close, as we wrap up THE INTENTIONAL (!) TRANS ALLEGORY OF BARBIE (the movie), PART 8! Self-actualization is at hand! Things are gonna get emo.

One last time, PART 1.

And PART 2.

Our old friend PART 3.

Our other old friend PART 4.

That little scamp PART 5.

Our good buddy PART 6.

And the lovely PART 7.

1:39:59 – Barbie: “I’m not in love with Ken.” I’m not a man. CEO: “What do you want?” Then who are you? Barbie: “I don’t know. I’m not really sure where I belong anymore. I don’t think I have an ending.” I’m not the stereotype society says I have to be, to be a woman…

If she wants to figure this out, you know what she has to do. Who she has to listen to, and connect with. And it’s even telegraphed right in her earth tone costume… look at her necklace. She needs to listen to her HEART. And so who shows up right on cue?

1:40:20 – Ruth: “That was always the point. I created you so you wouldn’t have an ending.” Transition ISN’T an ending, it’s a beginning. A starting point. The heart knows that. If you listen carefully, you’ll hear Billie Eilish’s “What Was I Made For?” start as Ruth is first seen. 

Ruth: “Nobody looks like Barbie, except of course, Barbie. Take a bow, honey.” Barbie: “I don’t really feel like Barbie anymore.” Nobody looks like you except you, be who you are. But she doesn’t know who that is.

1:41:33 – Ken waving goodbye in his “I am Kenough” hoodie. “Thank you, Barbie. Thank you.” She’s leaving him behind for good, and don’t miss the importance of his hoodie. She can put the false male simulacra to rest now because she is (K)ENOUGH.

See how it’s PINK AND BLUE but also with EARTH TONES from the yellow? The truth of transness has been accepted, and could only be achieved by realizing you do not have to conform to ANYONE ELSE’S IDEA of what a woman is, or what being trans is.

You DON’T have to be society’s idea of a stereotypical woman to transition. You don’t have to be on HRT or get surgeries to be trans. You’re trans if you say you are, and you are enough. See the trans tuesday on TRANS DAY OF VISIBILITY (yes you are trans enough).

“What Was I Made For?” continues on under Ruth and Barbie talking, and it’ll rip your heart right out if you let it. Especially when you pair it with Barbie’s realization, both in the surface-level feminist story AND in the trans allegory, that she needs to transition and live a real life.

I used to float, now I just fall down
I used to know but I’m not sure now
What I was made for

I’m not the cis guy I thought I was, that everyone said I was. What does that mean? Who am I?

Takin’ a drive, I was an ideal
Looked so alive, turns out I’m not real
Just something you paid for
What was I made for?

The only woman I thought I could be was a shallow stereotype, and that’s not me. So what does THAT mean? Who AM I?

‘Cause I, I
I don’t know how to feel
But I wanna try
I don’t know how to feel
But someday, I might
Someday, I might

Is there a life outside of dysphoria and dissociation? Where I can feel things to the fullest, experience all life has to offer?

When did it end? All the enjoyment
I’m sad again, don’t tell my boyfriend
It’s not what he’s made for
What was I made for?

The cis male shell was only made because it was expected to be there, and it covered and hid my sadness, and my truth. But I’m not him? WHO AM I?

Think I forgot how to be happy
Something I’m not, but something I can be
Something I wait for
Something I’m made for
Something I’m made for

There has to be more to life than this. I CAN figure out who I am, and be the real me.

Watch those colors swirling as they walk, which is actually a really magnificent metaphor for what goes on in your head in those moments before you choose to transition. Listen to what’s being said when royal blue shows up, when pink shows up, when earth tones show up.

1:41:49 – Barbie: “I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do now. I’ve always just been stereotypical Barbie, and I don’t think I’m really good at anything else.” I spent my life trying to be someone I’m not, and I don’t know how to be who I am.

Ruth: “You saved Barbie Land from patriarchy.” Hey, you figured out you weren’t a dude, that’s huge.

Barbie: “That was a group effort.” COMMUNITY. By seeing others who’ve done it before us, we believe we can do it too. We help each other get there. Nobody has to do it alone.

Ruth: “And you helped that mother and daughter connect.” Barbie: “They helped each other.” This reads a WHOLE LOT like the moment from MATRIX RELOADED where The Kid tells Neo, “You saved me.” And Neo replies, “You saved yourself.”

But if Sasha and Gloria are just aspects of Barbie, the inner child she didn’t get to be and the inner woman she wants to be, SHE SAVED HERSELF. And this is also a direct MATRIX connection, which I’ve mentioned before. She is “The One.”

“The One” we’ve been waiting to save us… is US. Ourselves. WE CAN SAVE OURSELVES FROM A LIFE OF MISERY BY CHOOSING TO TRANSITION. YOU are the one you’ve been waiting for.

1:42:24 – Ruth: “You understand that humans only have one ending. Ideas live forever, humans not so much. You know that right?” Barbie: “I do.” It’s gonna be rough, it’s not all rainbows and happiness. Cis society is gonna make it a struggle. We choose to do it anyway.

Ruth: “Being a human can be pretty uncomfortable.” Barbie: “I know.” Ruth: “Humans make things up, like patriarchy and Barbie, just to deal with how uncomfortable it is.” Barbie: “I understand that.” Ruth: “And then you die.” Barbie laughs. “Yeah.”

There’s no telling how far you’ll get. There’s no telling WHAT you’ll get from transition. It’s different for everyone. You DO NOT KNOW where you’ll end up, or if that’s where you’ll want to be, and if it will help as much as you want it to. We choose to do it anyway, and hope.

Because it’s still so much better than the alternative.

1:43:06 – Barbie: “I want to be a part of the people that make meaning. Not the thing that’s made.” She wants to make herself, choose to transition and be real, and not live being who society said she had to be. 

Barbie: “Do you give me permission to become human?” Ruth: “You don’t need my permission.” Barbie: “But you’re the creator. You… don’t you control me?” 

Ruth: “I can’t control you any more than I can control my own daughter. I named you after her. ‘Barbara.’” Her heart, after her subconscious, is the next to not call her “Barbie.” It knows. It’s telling her what her true name is.

Ruth: “And I always hoped for you like I hoped for her. We mothers stand still so our daughters can look back to see how far they’ve come.”

Our hearts make us who we are, but they can’t force us to listen. Like Barbie with Ruth, like Neo with the Oracle, we can only hear what they have to say when we’re ready to listen. You can’t rush it, you can’t force it. But when you’re ready, it’s there to guide you.

Barbie’s crying. “So being human’s not something I need to… ask for, or even want? I can just… it’s something that I just discover I am?” DO YOU SEE HOW TRANS THIS IS??!?

You do NOT need anyone’s permission to be transgender, or to transition! It’s something you DISCOVER ABOUT YOURSELF and then choose to do something about! 

Ruth: “I can’t in good conscience let you take this leap without you knowing what it means. Take my hands.” AGAIN we go back to “taking the leap” like in the MATRIX films, where FLIGHT symbolizes the gender euphoria you can find during and after transition.

NONE OF US know if we’re going to find it, or how often, or how easily. But we hope it’s out there, waiting to help us break free.

1:44:30 – Barbie takes Ruth’s hands. She’s embracing her heart!

Ruth: “Now close your eyes. Now feel.”

1:44:55 – Barbie is truly feeling the world for the first time. Existing as herself, her TRUE self for the first time. Listening to her heart, feeling her heart, becoming one with her heart. And so you get another shot of her golden heart necklace.

And then Barbie truly understands all the beautiful, strange, amazing, weird, wonderful ways women can be. She can be any of them. She is part of them, and always has been. She is a woman, and always has been.

1:45:58 – Barbie is alone in the void. The colors are gone, her mind is clear. With a tear, she takes the leap, she makes the decision. She WILL transition and become who she’s always been. “Yes.”

1:45:25 Barbie’s in the real world in Gloria’s ROYAL BLUE car, she is again CONNECTED to the woman inside. Barbie IN IS EARTH TONES. This is real. This is the truth. “Thanks for the lift.” Look at her REAL SMILE, for the FIRST TIME.

Sasha’s in PINK because Barbie knows she can’t be the girl she didn’t get to be, and has to let her go. But the TRUTH is she CAN still be the woman inside, so peep that EARTH TONE green on Gloria’s top.

1:45:51 – Barbie’s wearing the Birkenstocks Weird Barbie showed her, confirming she’s taken the red pill and chosen to transition. But they’re not brown, they’re PINK! But it’s an EARTHY PINK. WHAT DOES IT MEAN, TILLY? C’mon, you can see it, right?

You CAN transition, and you don’t have to conform to gendered stereotypes. But you CAN still like girly things if you want to! You can be butch and like pink, you can be girly but like sports! And on and on. NO. FALSE. DICHOTOMIES. (that’s episode 11, if you forgot)

1:47:12 – She gives her name as “Barbara.” What her heart called her. A NAME CHANGE. Guess what people who transition do?? Receptionist: “And what are you here for today, Barbara?”

1:47:18 – Barbara: “I’m here to see my gynecologist.” GUESS WHO NEEDS A GYNECOLOGIST? Is it… people with vaginas??? Remember what Barbie said she DIDN’T have when she first got to the real world? And so now she clearly must have? Look how happy it makes her.

I don’t know how much clearer you can be that this is a SOCIAL AND MEDICAL TRANSITION. And don’t mistake this as saying you need bottom surgery to be trans, but this is metaphor and a change like this conveys a transition perfectly.

And of course it’s not really that fast, but this is allegory, and a movie. Barbara chose to transition, and is now finally living as her true self, entirely free of Ken.

Both due to its many visual and thematic references to THE MATRIX, and through the genius of its own creators constructing something truly unique that meant a whole lot to a whole lot of people (cis and trans alike), BARBIE is a story of transition….

Out of the misogynistic expectations leveled on every woman, and out of the transphobic expectations leveled on every human. It is a story of self-actualization, of self-realization, of acceptance of truth and rejection of the lies society oppresses us with.

And it did it with idiosyncratic style, so very much genuine humor and heart, and a deep love and belief in every single person society’s shoved into a box they never belonged in. It, very specifically, says all women are women. ALL women. Trans women too.

This is why it left so many trans women, myself included, in tears. Because not only did it say that we ARE women and belong with the rest of the women, but that OUR journey is important and maybe different, but no less valid. Barbie’s story is our story.

You, too, can break out of that box and fly free. 

You can shed gendered expectations. 

You can be WHOEVER you want to be, whoever you TRULY are.

Hi, Barbie! You are Kenough.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

THE INTENTIONAL (!) TRANS ALLEGORY OF BARBIE, part 7

Welcome to #TransTuesday! We’ve got the Tillyvision sign! And that means it’s time for THE INTENTIONAL (!) TRANS ALLEGORY OF BARBIE (the movie), PART 7! To heck with the false shell! But then… what comes next?

The setup, PART 1.

The intro, PART 2.

The trouble, PART 3.

The more trouble, PART 4.

Oh god so much trouble, PART 5.

Wait maybe there’s a way out of this trouble, PART 6.

1:16:35  – Barbie: “By giving voice to the cognitive dissonance required to be a woman under the patriarchy, you robbed it of its power.” I mean, this applies to everything. When you see the lies, they no longer have any power over you. You can’t make me pretend to be cis again.

1:17:27 – As they set about their plan to stop the Kens and free the Barbies, they’re all in pink jumpsuits because there’s doubt about if this plan is going to work. CAN Barbie truly kick out the male simulacra and become the woman she is?

1:19:46 – Hari Nef as a decoy damsel Barbie in glasses: “Gee, I am so awkward and don’t feel pretty at all, and will anyone ever like me?” Ken takes her glasses off. “There. Now we can see your beautiful face.”

That line from Hari Nef certainly applies to how society wants all women to feel, but again, that’s compounded for trans women who don’t just need to be PRETTY to be accepted… if we don’t look CIS our chances at cis acceptance fall off a cliff. Again, they gave her this line for a reason.

1:20:49 – Gloria’s doing Barbie’s makeup. Barbie: “What if this doesn’t work? What if he doesn’t like me anymore?” Gloria: “He knows deep down you don’t like him the same way.”

So this is Barbie psyching herself up to be rid of the false shell of a man forever, but why is it in a scene of Gloria doing Barbie’s makeup? We didn’t see Barbie put makeup on… ever, the entire movie, even though she clearly had it on.

To me, this speaks to a trans woman putting makeup on for the first time, in the hopes it will help her feel more like her true self. In fact, one of the first things I did was get a makeover from a (cis) hollywood makeup artist, and it’s what let me know I NEEDED to transition all the way.

It was, at that point, the closest I’d ever gotten to seeing the real me in the mirror. And a lot of us trans women go through being shown how to do makeup from both other trans women and cis women. And at this moment, for Barbie, it kind of reads that way.

But they’re looking at each other, right? And talking about how to get rid of Ken. So it also feels like Barbie putting on makeup for the first time, as herself, letting her see (and start to be) the real woman she is inside. She’s looking into herself.

1:21:32 – Barbie goes to confront Ken, in pink, because she’s lying to him to try and exert control, but look at them… PINK AND BLUE. The transness can’t be denied. Look at the PINK AND BLUE “fire” between them!

1:22:58 –  The Kens play “Push” at the Barbies. This is, like, SUPER-supertext. Because Barbie’s trying to exert control and be rid of the false male shell forever, right? And it’s pushing back because he can’t possibly be trans! Look how toxically masculine he’s become!

And look, this is a movie and metaphor, so things are taken to extremes. I’m not saying all trans women go hard right into toxic masculinity before accepting our truth (though some do), but if you dial that back a little…

It very much reads as “I can’t possibly be a trans woman, I grew a beard! See?” or “I can’t possibly be a trans woman, look at this suit I’m wearing!” or “No no I like football and cars!,” etc. A lot of us try so hard to be that man to hide the truth we can’t yet accept. But it doesn’t work.

1:23:11 – And so we see, now on the beach, which is Ken’s JOB and what he thinks he’s BEST at, Barbie is now in a white top and denim shorts, closer to earth tones than she’s ever been. And the entire beach has become ROYAL BLUE. She’s connecting to the truth.

1:26:32 – Ken’s song before the Ken war sure sounds a WHOLE lot like a person accepting their transness and realizing their fake cis shell is about to cease existing. Look at the lyrics.

Doesn’t seem to matter what I do
I’m always number two
No one knows how hard I tried
I have feelings that I can’t explain
Driving me insane
All my life I’ve been so polite
But I’ll sleep alone tonight
Cause I’m just Ken

Anywhere else I’d be a ten
Is it my destiny to live and die
A life of blonde fragility
I’m just Ken
Where I see love she sees a friend
What will it take for her
To see the man behind the tan
And fight for me

As the Ken war wages, her false male shell fighting for its existence, did you notice the beach is now… entirely pink? This existence they’re fighting for IS. A. LIE.

1:28:27 – More of Ken’s song continues to read exactly how it read before, a false persona realizing it no longer needs to exist.

I want to know what it’s like to love
To be the real thing
Is it a crime?
Am I not hot when I’m in my feelings?
And is my moment finally here,
Or am I dreaming?
I’m no dreamer

1:29:06  – And if you’re doubting my assertion that this is Barbie coming to terms with and accepting her transness and choosing to be rid of Ken, the false male simulacra waging an internal war for its own existence, did you… did you notice the colors during the dance-off?

You might as well have painted a trans flag on that floor, friends. 

Is it my destiny to live and die
A life of blonde fragility

Ken fought for his existence, but lost… because Barbie IS trans, that’s the truth, and so 

1:30:18 – The EARTH TONES return to Ken, as the truth has been accepted.

1:32:14 – And now, for the first time since her egg cracked on the dance floor, Barbie’s in yellow. ALL EARTH TONES. The truth is on its way.

1:32:55 – Barbie to Ken: “Are you crying? It’s okay, I cried too. It’s actually kind of amazing.” Listen, when you spend your life in a cloud of dysphoria, when it starts dissipating even a little due to transition, you suddenly have access to all kinds of emotions you never did before.

1:33:12 – Ken: “It was hard running stuff. I didn’t love it.” It wasn’t natural for Barbie’s false cis shell to be in control. It’s not easy putting on that act. He tries to kiss her, she pulls away. Again, no, she was never a guy, and doesn’t want to pretend to be one anymore.

Barbie: “I didn’t mean to suggest, uh…” Ken: “I just don’t know who I am without you.” Barbie: “You’re Ken.” Ken: “But it’s Barbie AND Ken. There is no just ‘Ken.’ That’s why I was created. I only exist within the warmth of your gaze.”

He was created ONLY to protect, cover, and hide the real Barbie, until she was ready to cast the lie aside and live her truth.

1:35:27 – Barbie: “You have to figure out who you are without me.” Ken: “Why?” Barbie: “You’re not your girlfriend. You’re not your house, you’re not your mink.” Ken: “Beach?” 

Barbie: “Nope. You’re not even beach. Maybe all the things that you thought made you you aren’t… really… you.” Barbie is realizing she’s talking to herself here, metaphorically and literally!

“Maybe it’s Barbie, and it’s Ken.” They are SEPARATE. They are no longer one. Barbie is on the path to self-actualizing!

1:37:06 – The CEO comes out of the treehouse playset crying. “Ken is right. It’s just so hard to be a leader.” Yeah, boo hoo, feel bad for the people with all the power, money, and control. Sure.

1:37:30 – CEO: “Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to stand up in a board meeting and just say, ‘can we just tickle each other?’ Let’s have a company retreat and just tickle each other.” Funny and weird, yes, BUT-

Tickling is a physical action that forces a certain response from the receiver, whether they want to or not. Do you get how insidious that is? Coming from a white non-disabled cishet white man? What does he want? CONTROL OVER YOUR BODY.

CEO: “But thanks to the Barbies, I, too, can now relieve myself of this heavy existential burden while holding on to the very real title of CEO. And we can restore everything in Barbie Land to exactly the way it was.”

See, I GET you. Yes yes, trans rights and women’s liberation… we’ll put it on mugs and t-shirts, and do nothing else, AS LONG AS WE GO BACK TO THE STATUS QUO WHERE I AM IN CONTROL.

1:37:57 – President Barbie: “Mr. Mattel…” CEO: “Please, call me mother.” Do you see how badly he wants to be respected? In control of women? And everyone else?

President Barbie: “No thank you. I don’t think that things should go back to the way that they were. No Barbie or Ken should be living in the shadows.” NONE OF US should be forced to live a lie, hidden in the shadows of a false persona that wounds us.

1:38:15 – President Barbie to Weird Barbie: “I just want to say I’m sorry we called you weird Barbie behind your back and also to your face.” Weird Barbie: “That’s okay. I’m owning it.” Gettin’ weird is LITERALLY what the subconscious does. Just look at dreams.

President Barbie: “Would you like a job in my cabinet?” Weird Barbie: “May I please have sanitation?” Sure that’s funny, but ALSO… she wants to keep things healthy and clean the place up! So you don’t wind up ill and suffering. If that ain’t the subconscious’ job…

Also, remember before how Weird Barbie was all in pink, because Barbie didn’t know if she believed her yet? (even though transness was present in the squiggles on her forehead). LOOK AT WHAT SHE’S WEARING NOW. ROYAL BLUE (connection) WITH PINK (transness).

1:38:55 – Gloria: “I have an idea.” CEO: “Tell me your secret dream, child.” Gloria: “What about ordinary Barbie. She’s not extraordinary. She’s not president of anything, or maybe she is. Maybe she’s a mom. Maybe she’s not. But it’s okay to just want to be a mom…

“…or to wanna be president or a mom who is President. Or not a mom who’s also not President. She just has a flattering top, and she wants to get through the day feeling kinda good about herself.” Women can be anything. A trans woman can be ANY kind of woman!

CEO: “That’s a terrible idea.” Executive: “That’s going to make money.” CEO: “Oh. Originality Barbie. I love it. Fantastic.” This confirms what I told you about him earlier, when Ken’s Mojo Dojo Casa House was selling well and he said he didn’t care about money.

Here you see he CLEARLY does, so he should have been elated at the Mojo Dojo sales. But he wasn’t, and he claimed he wasn’t in it for the money. But he is. 

Again, the only reason he didn’t want Ken stuff selling is because he’s more concerned with the CONTROL he had over women and trans people and how he was losing it.

1:39:42 – Sasha: “What about Barbie? What does she get?” CEO: “That’s easy. She’s in love with Ken.” Sasha: “That is not her ending.” Even now, society is trying to force her back into the simulacrum, and both Barbie’s inner child and inner woman know that’s not it.

They’re clearly trying to figure out where her place is, but they don’t know for sure because Barbie still hasn’t fully accepted herself. So they’re both in pink, because they’re full of doubt about where Barbie goes from here.

And next week, we’re going to get to the most important and heart-wrenching scene in the entire movie, because it’s time to god damned self-actualize.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

PART 8 is here!

THE INTENTIONAL (!) TRANS ALLEGORY OF BARBIE, part 6

Welcome to #TransTuesday! Tillyvision, full speed ahead, right into THE INTENTIONAL (!) TRANS ALLEGORY OF BARBIE (the movie), PART 6! Flashbacks and overcompensation ahoy!

The context from PART 1.
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The beginning of the journey in PART 2.
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The awakening in PART 3.
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The discovery of PART 4.
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And the complications of PART 5.
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53:07 – I want you to pay close attention to the flashbacks, visually, because they’re showing you everything. THEY’RE SHOWING YOU EVERYTHING. On the swing, PINK AND BLUE on little Sasha (Barbie was always trans).

Look at the PINK AND BLUE as they play with Barbies, and the colors are now also worn by Gloria. The trans kid you were (or could have been) is now an adult.

There is life in this transness. You can live in it, and find love (the hug). Look at the PINK AND BLUE WALLS, the BLUE DOOR in front of the PINK WALL.

You can hold on to that truth, that love, that transness, as an adult. The BLUE JACKET with the PINK BARBIE. Look at the EARTH TONES around Gloria, the EARTH TONES of her dress. This is the TRUTH.

But to do that, you’ve got to let that little girl go. She’s pulling away from you because that’s not who you are. It hurts like HELL that you didn’t get to be her, but you can’t go back to that. And if you don’t let that go, you can’t become the woman you are. PINK JACKET, BLUE JEANS.

And what all of this is showing you is that, once you know you’re trans, you can look back at your life and see that THE SIGNS WERE ALWAYS THERE, you just couldn’t (or wouldn’t) recognize them. See the applicable trans tuesday!
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54:17 – The freeway chase. Also a visual connection to the freeway chase in MATRIX RELOADED, where Neo tried to escape the past that haunted him. Maybe a past like… thinking about the little girl he never got to be! So it’s the perfect place to reference it.

54:11 – Barbie: “… the real world is forever and irrevocably messed up.” Heyyyyyy guess what waking up to the explicit and implicit transphobia of compulsory cishet patriarchy feels like?

Barbie: “I love women. I want to help women.” Sasha: “Women hate women. Men hate women. It’s the one thing we can agree on.” Imagine realizing this when you’re a trans woman who hasn’t transitioned yet, and what that might feel like for you.

Gloria: “I am wide awake Sasha!” I mean, yeah, she is. Transition isn’t too far off, Barbie’s realizing her truth, and the truth of the world. It’s very much like waking up.

56:10 – Barbie: “Ken is totally superfluous.” 

I MEAN. 

SUPERtext.

Look how their trip back to Barbie Land is filled with them IN PINK. Barbie’s trying to re-embrace the lies, deny her truth. Even Gloria shifts to being in pink. She’s trying to pretend her inner woman is the lie. But what’s Barbie in? BLUE AND PINK. Transness remains. 

And now it’s mixed with a little green, and an off-white. EARTH TONES. Transness is her truth, and she’s about to find that out. Also look at Gloria doing the little upward point like Barbie did when singing the song before. Because they’re intrinsically linked.

56:53 – The CEO and executives discover Barbie, Gloria, and Sasha went back to Barbie Land. “This could mean extremely weird things for our world. Nothing our collective imaginations could ever dream of.” 

If someone who knows the truth goes back to the world under the veneer of lies, what’s going to happen to those lies? They’re gonna get dispelled and proven to be false. Trans existence is, by its nature, proof of the lies of the white cishet patriarchy.

57:20 – Barbie, driving through Barbie Land: “I can practically feel my heels lifting already. Yes! This is what I’m supposed to do. Bring you back here.” Gloria: “This feels right.” Yes, we’ll go back to upholding the lies. This should be fine, right?

Ken is in earth tones. This is the truth of what she’d be heading back to by pretending to be a man and re-adopting the false simulacra of a man. She’d be upholding and participating in the oppression of people like her: WOMEN (and other trans people). 

Listen to how the Kens say and name everything with redundant words. Why? They’re saying more without adding anything useful, trying to seem more important. Again, it’s a front. A show. A lie to appear as something you’re not. Simulacra of men.

59:00 – Barbie confronts Ken about the masculinization of Barbie Land. Ken: “Don’t question it, just roll with it, tiny baby.” Barbie: “Don’t call me baby.” Women are infantilized (routinely), and Barbie’s realizing that would include her true self. And that’s uncomfortable (for good reason!).

Also, remember Weird Barbie (Barbie’s subconscious) initially called Barbie “baby girl.” Her false male shell pointedly does not gender her, just infantilizes her. She’s had enough of that, and is growing beyond the “baby trans” stage.

In the real world, Ken’s Mojo Dojo Casa House is taking off, it’s a huge seller. The CEO is upset by this because he got into the business for “little girls and their dreams.” But that’s not true at all, right? We learned that from his words before, in the executive office…

And we’ll learn that again, in a little bit. But what this is showing you is that their desires are not about financial success, because if they were, they’d be stoked. They care less about that than they do *controlling women* (and trans people) and feeling like they have power over us.

Just look at BARBIE itself, and all the money it made. Did studios immediately launch into tons of women-led tentpoles? Nope. Did studios immediately hire more women directors? Nope.

We see this again and again with other marginalized communities too, where it doesn’t matter how good their movies do, one “financial disappointment” is enough for studios to say “that doesn’t sell” and not make more of them.

Meanwhile, how many movies written by, starring, directed by, and about cishet white men have been financial disappointments? Did they stop making those movies? Or… did they not apply those failures to the identities of the people making them? 

They only do that for marginalized people. Why? It’s the same reason. CONTROL. It allows them to stay in control and as the decision makers, even in the face of success and making tons of money. That’s less important to them than maintaining the cishet white man-led status quo.

1:01:48 – Ken says the “real world” (Century City! ha) has it all figured out. Barbie says no they don’t because, “we failed them.” Ken: “No, YOU failed ME.” I think this is one of the most important lines in the entire movie.

If Ken is the false shell Barbie had to live in for her whole life, but falling into stereotypical gender roles and expectations was not the kind of woman Barbie wanted to be, then this becomes very easy to understand.

As an example, for a long time cis people would only ~LET~ you medically transition if you conformed to every gender stereotype in their head, and if you were gay pre-transition and would be straight post-transition (ie going from gay cis “man” to straight trans woman).

I’ve said this so many times you’re probably tired of it, but cis folks, hey… imagine how trans people feel! This has all too often been the reality for us.

Soooooo, see AGAIN the trans tuesday on TRANSMEDICALISM (and WPATH standards of care 1) for more on where that particular strain of nastiness originated, and how the trans community still struggles with it today.
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Okay! So, if you think you’re a trans woman, but think that means you’d have to dress and act and be in a certain kind of relationship and uphold the false cishet binary, and those things ARE NOT WHAT YOU WANT, you can’t see how transition would help.

See my book BEGIN TRANSMISSION: THE TRANS ALLEGORIES OF THE MATRIX, specifically the section on MATRIX RESURRECTIONS, for more on this and how difficult it can make things for us.

If you’re a lesbian trans woman (transbians represent!), or a butch trans woman, or a bi trans woman, or a bi butch trans woman, it’s so much tougher to figure out because people will legit say, for example, “if you want to be a butch woman why not just stay as a man.”

But we don’t have to conform to ANYONE else’s idea of who we are or how we should live. That’s all bullshit. And we can’t “stay” as what we never were, especially when it’s painful!

But damn if it doesn’t make it exponentially more difficult for us to figure things out.

Also that line is one hundo percent a TRANS MICROAGGRESSION, learn about those in the trans tuesday all about ‘em!
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1:05:32 – Barbie cries, talks to Gloria. Barbie: “Why did you wish me to your messed up world using your complicated human thoughts and feelings? … Barbieland was perfect before. I was perfect before.”

Life was so much easier to move through when I pretended to be cis. True! But dysphoria made life miserable. So when you do something about dysphoria and then transphobic cis society makes it so hard for you to exist… it’s a really difficult thing to process.

And yes, THE MATRIX deals with this directly too, right in the first film. And thus so does Begin Transmission: The Trans Allegories of The Matrix! (did I mention I have a book? It’s a book! You should read it! Book book book!)

1:05:59 – Barbie – “I’ve never wanted anything to change.” Why did this happen to me? Why did I have to be trans? It’d be so much easier for us if we weren’t.

Gloria: “Oh honey, that’s life. It’s all change.” True! Listen to the woman inside, she knows.

Barbie:  “That’s terrifying. I don’t want that. Not my life, no thank you.” You don’t even know how many times most of us try to talk ourselves out of our transness. It doesn’t work. We might as well try and talk ourselves out of being humans.

Sasha: “I almost feel bad for you, but you are exactly what I thought you were.” Barbie’s letting down that little girl she never got to be, by not giving her the chance to exist as an adult either. It’s heartbreaking. Sasha: “Come on Mom, she doesn’t deserve you.” OUCH.

1:08:01  – Weird Barbie arrives to wake Barbie up. Barbie: “I’m like you now.” Weird Barbie is Barbie’s subconscious, that knows the truth of her transness. DO YOU SEE WHAT THIS IS SAYING? Barbie’s fully accepting her transness.

And in our highly transphobic cishet compulsory society, how does Barbie describe her transness? “Ugly and unwanted.” Ouch ouch ouch fucking ouch. 

But this is what society teaches us to think about ourselves. See the trans tuesday on INTERNALIZED TRANSPHOBIA for more on that particular monster, and ways to recognize it and fight it.
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1:08:28 – Gloria and Sasha are driving out of Barbie Land, singing “Closer to Fine” again, and they smile. Barbie’s inner woman is connecting with that inner child, the one she doesn’t want to let down.

1:08:44 – It’s interrupted with Ken’s favorite song, Matchbox 20’s “Push.” Allan stowed away in the car with them. He wants out, he hates Kendom. You can clearly see how a place like that is nothing but misery for a gender-nonconforming man (and trans women!).

1:10:03 – Sasha wants to go back and save Barbie. Gloria says Sasha hates Barbie. Sasha: “Yeah but you don’t. You always believed in what she could be.” GLORIA believed in what Barbie could be… namely, LIKE GLORIA. Her inner woman.

Gloria: “Barbie gave up. The Kens won.” Sasha: “You have to try. Even if you can’t make it perfect, you can make it better.” 

EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT SURE YOU CAN BE THE PERFECT IDEAL OF WHO YOU WANT TO BE, YOU HAVE TO TRY. TRANSITION CAN MAKE IT BETTER.

1:11:02 – They go back to save Barbie, and Allan is dismayed he’ll never get to leave. Gloria tells him to shut up. Which seems a bit harsh, but I think this is Barbie’s inner true woman saying being a gender-nonconforming man isn’t enough! NO. Not who she is.

1:12:30 – Weird Barbie to Barbie: “The fork in my soup is this Barb, why didn’t the brainwashing work on you?” Barbie’s subconscious is the first one in the entire movie to NOT CALL HER “BARBIE.” She knows that’s not her true name.

Barbie: “My exposure to the real world must have made me immune. Either you’re brainwashed or you’re weird and ugly, there is no in between.” Weird Barbie: “Sing it, sister.”

Okay, like… DO YOU GET IT? It’s so hard to wake up to the matrix, to the false cis binary, to the prison for your mind they put you in at birth, WHEN IT FITS YOU SO PERFECTLY. This is why it’s so hard for cis people to truly understand how compulsory cisness is in society.

But ONCE YOU SEE IT, you cannot unsee it. You know the truth. And there’s no unknowing a truth of existence. Once you know it, you know it. You can’t be fooled in the same way again.

1:12:59 Gloria: “What’s wrong?” Barbie: “I’m not pretty anymore.” Gloria: “You’re so pretty.” Barbie: “I’m not Stereotypical Barbie pretty.” Few of us are! 

But you have NO IDEA how many trans women are hurt by the fact that they don’t look like cis women, and worry they never will. Passing is, again, a very complicated issue, which you can learn more about in the trans tuesday on MISGENDERING AND PASSING.
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When Gloria has her big, amazing speech about being a woman, listen… I’m not going to quote the entire thing here, but it’s brilliant. And it’s no mistake it’s given by a woman from a historically marginalized community, showing you it applies to ALL women.

But there’s something I want you to do.

I want you to watch it again, and realize that everything she says, EVERYTHING, applies to trans women just as much as cis women. And it compounds upon us in ways you might not expect.

Because while society says all of those terrible, conflicting things to cis women, society says all of those to trans women and tells us we’re NOT women if we’re not ALSO EXACTLY all of those things. If we falter at ANY of them, our womanhood gets called into question.

Are cis women punished by society for not conforming to all of those impossible standards? Unquestionably! And that’s horrible. But are they treated as NOT WOMEN when they can’t meet all of those standards? 

Are they treated as UNWANTED MALE INTERLOPERS who must be ABUSERS and TRICKSTERS out to hurt you?

NO. THEY. ARE. NOT.

And I just want to be sure that you, yes YOU, dear reader, are aware that trans women suffer in all those same ways, but are punished even more severely when we cannot meet those impossible standards.

Next week we’re gonna see Barbie try to reject the false male simulacra for good, and attempt to figure out where to go from there.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

PART 7 is here!

THE INTENTIONAL (!) TRANS ALLEGORY OF BARBIE, part 5

Welcome to #TransTuesday! Tillyvision keeps on keepin’ on with THE INTENTIONAL (!) TRANS ALLEGORY OF BARBIE (the movie), PART 5! You’re gonna get some trans confirmation in this one that you’re not gonna believe… but it’s true!

PART 1, and the context.

PART 2, and act I.

PART 3, and things start getting messy.

PART 4, and the messes compound.

43:29 – The Mattel AGENTS (all cis men) arrive. “Miss Barbie?” Barbie: “It’s just Barbie.” She doesn’t feel she can be GENDERED CORRECTLY in the real world because she’s not the kind of woman they want and is considering trying extra hard to learn how to be a manly man.

Because we trans women, listen, we didn’t know how to be the men we were told we were. We were bad at it, hated it, were hurt by it, and were punished by family, friends, and society in all kinds of ways for not conforming to it. 

We’d watch other men and just try to do what they did and hoped it was good enough that people wouldn’t notice how fake it was, how we didn’t conform, and then tease us about or make fun of us for it (or experience much worse, like slurs and violence, from cis men).

Also remember how I said the Mattel executives were the Agents from THE MATRIX and you scoffed (I know you did, I have minions everywhere) and I said there’d be more proof later? Here you go. Another direct visual reference.

44:17 – Sasha gets in the car with Gloria, who was previously protecting the top brass “all the way up” at Mattel. But remember I said she had a connection to Barbie? And more evidence was later? Here’s some…

This scene is MINUTES after the Mattel boardroom scene, and Gloria has… an entirely new wardrobe. Why would she have stopped to change clothes? No story reason! Except look at her clothes and HOW THERE IS BLUE AND PINK TOGETHER. 

Even as Barbie doubles down on trying to be a man (all the nonsense Ken is off doing), she’s coming to realize her own transness more and more. The true woman inside her reflects that.

And so she’s coming to a choice, try to self-actualize with transition, or go back to living the lie. And like so many of us, she’s not going to get it right the first time, because it’s scary as hell.

“Now Tilly,” I hear you say, “Now Tilly, I’ve been reading all this so far and I’m just not sure BARBIE really has anything to say about transness.” 

To which I say, c’mon that’s not true! It’s almost like someone made that up for the sake of argument just to make a point hit home harder… but what point could that be?

When Barbie enters the Mattel executive office… THERE IS A TRANSGENDER SYMBOL HIDDEN ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE DOOR. (it’s actually been there all along, but this was the best spot to mention it for reasons you will soon discover)

This isn’t something I added, or someone on the internet snuck in there and it’s been perpetuated without people knowing. This was legit in the movie itself. I checked it in my 4k copy on disc. Here’s a shot from my tv with the contrast goosed so you can see it better.

I reached out to some folks who worked on the movie, to see if this was on the set (and if so, why) or if it was added with special effects (and if so, why). The only reply I’ve gotten is that everyone on Barbie supports trans people, and are glad we felt included.

If there are more conclusive answers, they weren’t provided to me. So why is it there? Is it just a hidden nod? They don’t do anything with it, right? Ah, but they do. Continue on, dear readers, I shan’t lead you astray! SHAN’T.

45:16 – Barbie’s never experienced the real world before, so she pours the water right on her face because she’s used to the cups being empty. Awakening to your transness is actually a lot like water being thrown in your face, it wakes you right the hell up.

45:32 – Barbie: “So what can I do to repair the rift in the space-time continuum, get my feet back and that one cellulite gone, and just generally not turn into weird Barbie.” She’s terrified of the truth, wants to know how to ignore it and go back to pretending to be cis.

45:50 – To fix things she has to get back into the box, the PINK Barbie box. Literally she has to consent to being BOXED IN to the cis binary. Do you… see where the box is located?

46:35 – Barbie wants to meet the woman in charge before she goes but all of them are men. She’s asking to meet the woman in charge of HERSELF, but is finding only dudes.

And remember how earlier I said trans women pre-transition aren’t treated like cis men are, because we don’t “perform” manhood correctly? And how we’re punished for it?

We also don’t experience male privilege the way cis men do, again because we are NOT conforming to what the world and other cis men expect us to be, even when we mirror cis men around us and try to be like them.

If we walk into a room of strangers, yes, at first glance we might have been awarded a degree of male privilege. But the second we had to do anything or interact with anyone… the mask is never perfect. And when you don’t conform to stereotypical manhood, privilege drops off.

And so here, where Barbie’s trying to find the woman in charge (of herself), we get this line from Aaron: “I’m a man with no power, does that make me a woman?” Like… ouch. On multiple levels.

46:47-  The CEO resents even being asked about a woman, and says they are a company “literally made of women”. Implying they’re not inclusive or doing things right is so much worse, to them, than actually not being inclusive. 

We see this all the time, with any kind of bigotry, including transphobia. Bigots will tell you that calling them transphobes is the problem, not their actual transphobia. 

See the trans tuesday on CIS IS NOT A SLUR (there is no default human) for more on that particular nugget of awfulness.

CEO: “There was a woman CEO in the 90s… and another at some other time.” “We have gender neutral bathrooms out the wazoo.” See? It’s all fixed. It reeks of the ways Agent Smith put on a pretty new face while being the same old transphobia in MATRIX RESURRECTIONS.

We’ll use buzzwords and pretend we’re hip, we’ll put a rainbow on merchandise (or… the executive office WALL, maybe?) while doing absolutely nothing to fix the actual problems. It’s exactly what RAINBOW CAPITALISM is.

47:45 – Barbie gets in the box. “I remember this smell. I’m having a real Proustian flashback.” Proust was a French writer and I’m not going to get all into his business here, but something being “Proustian” is likely about recovering forgotten memories.

She’s been OUT OF THE BOX (if not fully realized and self-actualized) long enough to remember how it feels to be LITERALLY TIED DOWN IN THE BOX SOCIETY MADE FOR HER. She’s remembering when she was entirely subsumed by the false male simulacra of Ken.

47:50 – They strap her in, but she runs. And this is where the trans symbol placement is relevant, because it’s as far left of the door as her box is right of the door. She doesn’t want to completely tie her truth down, but she’s too scared to commit to transition.

The trans symbol is pink, she doubts her transness. But she heads out the PINK door between it and the box. 

Tying down and boxing in her truth is a lie, but she also can’t totally admit she’s trans and choose to transition yet, so she denies THAT and heads out the pink door, full of doubts.

And, like, this is so often what it’s like when you transition as an adult. It’s all SO confusing and you just don’t know what to do and you deny (or put off accepting) your truth over and over, until you can’t anymore. She’s not there yet. But she’s on her way.

48:20 – The executives give chase, and their executive-only elevator is literally in black and white (and the pink of their lies). Again, they see only THE FALSE DICHOTOMY (or do everything they can to make sure that’s all anyone else can see, anyway).

48:30 – Barbie ducks behind cubicles to evade the executives. Here’s another visual callback to THE MATRIX when Neo was ALSO avoiding AGENTS in his attempt to flee Metacortex/Mattel. I told you the Metacortex connection was more than just the outside of the building!

49:04 – Barbie is in the white hallway, another direct visual reference to the MATRIX, this time RELOADED/REVOLUTIONS/RESURRECTIONS, in the space between worlds.

49:17 – One is the door to where she meets her creator, Ruth. (Remember that Ruth is her HEART. And what makes us who we are? Our hearts.) Ruth is in a kitchen… LIKE THE ORACLE IN THE MATRIX (the Oracle was also Neo’s heart).

This is a double reference to THE MATRIX, with the older-lady-in-a-kitchen and the fact that both of these ladies play the hearts of their respective lead characters. Ruth has a ROYAL BLUE dress under her cardigan, Barbie is CONNECTING with her heart.

And look at all the EARTH TONES in that kitchen. There is truth in Barbie’s heart, if she’s open to hearing it (Neo had the same issue with hearing his heart, at first). The heart always knows, but we can’t ever accept what it has to say until we’re ready.

49:32 – Ruth: “Don’t worry, you’re safe here.” If we’re not safe in our own hearts, where are we?

50:01 – Ruth hands Barbie the cup of tea, literally handing her EARTH TONES AND ROYAL BLUE. The truth is right there if Barbie will connect with it and accept it. And she drinks. She takes it in. She’s getting there.

50:32 – Ruth: “You look different.” Y’DON’T SAY. Barbie: “It’s not how I usually look. I usually look perfect.” I no longer conform to who society said I was or what I had to be and look like. Ruth: “I think you’re just right.” LISTEN TO YOUR HEART, GIRL.

Barbie: “The real world isn’t what I thought it was.” Ruth: “It never is. And isn’t that marvelous?” At first this line threw me, because… no? The way the real world is, and how it treats trans people (and all women) is generally not so good!

But to me, what Ruth (who, again, is Barbie’s heart) is saying is… isn’t it marvelous that the real world IS NOT WHAT THEY TOLD YOU? You don’t have to be a cis person. If trying to be cis makes you miserable, then you’re trans and that’s MARVELOUS.

51:07 – Ruth hears the CEO and executives coming, transphobia is inside the house. But “If you go through that closet,” there’s a way out. Why, DO YOU THINK, the word closet is in there? It could have been “door.” They’re in a kitchen, it could have been “cupboard” or “pantry.”

But no. Closet. C L O S E T. You can ESCAPE by going OUT OF THE CLOSET. Embrace who you are, live your truth, and escape the pain that society wants to box you into. SUPERtext. 

51:37 – Barbie runs through the lobby to escape and “come out.” This is really reminiscent of the lobby scene from THE MATRIX, which was the building where Agents were holding Morpheus (Neo’s subconscious) prisoner, right down to the material and construction of the pillars.

I’m not as sure if that one was an intentional reference. It might have been, but I know nothing about construction and that could just be the way… columns… in lobbies are made? I mean that seems weird to me, but I dunno.

52:20 – Gloria and Sasha, in their ROYAL BLUE car, show up to rescue Barbie. Barbie’s now in the same place and fully connecting with the inner child she lost, and the woman she is inside. And this is where she makes an important realization.

Gloria: “I’ve been a little lonely lately and I found those Barbies we used to play with.” Sasha: “I thought you gave those away.” Gloria: “I started playing with them. … because I thought it would be joyful.” Barbie’s inner child, that she never got to be, found no joy from them.

But Gloria thought it “would be joyful.” She’s searching for trans joy. “But it got weird.” The thought of conforming to the only idea of what the false binary says a woman can be prevented her from transitioning, because that didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like what she wanted. 

Gloria: “Maybe because I couldn’t be like [Barbie], I ended up making [Barbie] like me?” This is it right here. THIS IS IT. Barbie’s realizing that the woman she is on the inside is messy and complicated and not a stereotype. And that’s a REAL and OKAY kind of woman to be.

And this is where the turn happens, because Barbie realizes while she was searching for Sasha, she actually came for Gloria. She will never get to be that little girl, and that hurts, but it’s not too late to BE THE WOMAN SHE WANTS TO BE.

Next week we’re gonna flash back, and see that yes, the signs of our transness were ALWAYS THERE. And we might just discover we’ve overcompensated into our false cis shell further than we realized.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

PART 6 is here!

THE INTENTIONAL (!) TRANS ALLEGORY OF BARBIE, part 4

Welcome to #TransTuesday! Tillyvision chugs along with THE INTENTIONAL (!) TRANS ALLEGORY OF BARBIE (the movie), PART 4! You’re going to get two really important visual clues as to what Barbie’s going through, more Matrix connections, and problems abound!

Here’s your starting context in PART 1.

The beginning of timestamp-o-rama in PART 2.

And getting into some heady stuff in PART 3.

29:39 – Barbie and Ken get outlandish western outfits. After the rough experience being perceived as trans, Barbie pulls back to all PINK. Ken’s neckerchief is also PINK. No no, that was too hard, I can’t live like that. Back to telling myself I’m cis! (still won’t work)

29:48 – “Hey man, you guys gotta pay for that stuff.” They run because they HAVE NO MONEY. A little thing, sure, but, y’know… guess what lots of trans people don’t have? Because we lose our jobs and homes once the world knows we’re trans? And people won’t hire us?

30:08 – Barbie: “I just need to clear my mind so I can think.” And to do that, she needs Ken away from her. ANYWHERE away from her. 

31:04 – Ken sees all the manly-man stuff, including two cops on horses. He just repeatedly saw cops sexually harass Barbie but he’s not put off by that. He sees men are everywhere, and in charge of everything.

This is Barbie realizing all the ways society REWARDS you for conforming to the false cis binary. Look! You can have power, prestige, riches, control! This is how society works for cis men.

MATRIX RELOADED, REVOLUTIONS, and RESURRECTIONS also explicitly deal with the ways society rewards you for conforming to the cis binary and denying your transness, and the new problems that causes.

31:40 – Barbie’s at the bus stop with eyes closed, listening to herself. She’s getting in touch with what she THINKS is the little girl inside, Sasha, who’s becoming distant as she ages. Note Sasha starts in earth tones, and moves to a BLUE AND PINK DRESS.

32:32 – When Sasha is dropped off at school by her mom, Gloria, they’re in a ROYAL BLUE car. Barbie is connecting with her inner self. And Sasha goes to Davy Crockett junior high school.

Look at that sign. Davy Crockett. “Home of the frontiersmen.” Barbie’s little girl inside spent her childhood in a place dedicated to being a tough manly man, doing what was expected of her, and it disconnected her from the girl she was inside.

32:45 – Barbie cries, feeling the loss of, and reconnecting with, her inner little girl that she didn’t get to be. “That felt achey, but good.” PHEW, if that ain’t TRANS GRIEF over lost childhoods we didn’t get to experience, I don’t know what is. See the trans tuesday on it.

33:15 – Barbie’s noticing the world, the real world, for the first time. And how beautiful it all is. Sharing and feeling the emotions of those around her. When dysphoria lessens due to transition, even just a little, a whole new world opens up to you.

See the trans tuesday on INTO THE UNKNOWN (aka WHAT IS HAPPENING aka A WHOLE NEW WORLD) for when this exact thing happened to me.

And you can see it continue in FREEING UP MY BRAIN (aka LUNCH WITH TILLY) when less dysphoria opened me up to even more experiences that I’d missed out on for my whole life.

33:36 – Barbie turns to the older woman at the bus stop with her. The older woman is in EARTH TONES. She’s real. The truth. Barbie: “You’re so beautiful.” Older lady: “I know it.” They share a smile and a laugh. 

This is Barbie connecting with her possible future, and thinking it would be BEAUTIFUL (because it is, and she is). And I hear you saying “BUT TILLY, HOW CAN THERE BE CONNECTION IF BARBIE ISN’T IN ROYAL BLUE?”

What do you think I am, some kinda rube? I’d have thought you’d trust me by now. BECAUSE DID YOU LOOK AT THE BUS STOP THAT BARBIE IS IN??

Before Barbie can think any more about this future she longs for…

33:59 – Ken comes crashing back. That false shell of a dude is still hangin’ around, damn it.

34:32 – The Mattel offices. Here’s another direct visual reference to THE MATRIX.

I need you to understand what BARBIE is telling you here. If you’ve not read BEGIN TRANSMISSION: THE TRANS ALLEGORIES OF THE MATRIX, here’s a very brief summation… YES I am going to quote myself, SHUT UP:

“The cortex is the outermost layer of an organ (the surface level). Most commonly known is the cerebral cortex, which among other things controls our perception and memory… things vital to our own knowledge of our true self. 

“Meta” means to go beyond, to transcend. Neo is trapped in a drab, mundane life he hates inside Metacortex. To become his true self he has to transcend the boundary of his memory and perception of himself by escaping the building.”

This is NOT A FLUKE. BARBIE references THE MATRIX here, as everywhere else, with intent. They’re telling you exactly what Mattel stands for in Barbie’s life. Mattel is Barbie’s own Metacortex, trapping her in a false perception of herself! 

And once you see the inside, it’s drab and lifeless. This is more than just a joke about office culture and corporate drones, but we’ll get there in a bit.

34:34 – The split screen between Mattel and the FBI offices. What I love about this shot is that it shows you the ENFORCERS of the system of oppression (police, FBI, security guards, etc) are JUST AS MUCH DRONES as the office workers are. Look how they’re BOXED IN.

But when you INTENTIONALLY choose to uphold the systems of oppression, you are REWARDED for it and “allowed” to express yourself and liven up your work area. But you’re no less a puppet of the system. And we talked about those societal rewards before.

35:22 – The button to go “all the way up” and see the people in charge. If you look closely, the numbers for other floors go up to 100. So what floor would “all the way up” be, based on the numbers? 101.

In THE MATRIX, when Neo began his journey of realizing and accepting his transness, his apartment number was 101 (he later successfully makes it to 303, where we first met Trinity, and begins his new life as an out trans woman).

In MATRIX RELOADED, the Merovingian (a trans person who squashed their truth and continued pretending to be cis to attain the rewards of society, and to stomach it had to pretend he never had the choice to transition) was also on floor 101.

Like, I don’t even know how to explain to you how significant this is. Not only are they showing you the executive floor is the start of the journey, it’s also a place people get trapped by denying their own truth, be it intentionally or by lying to themselves.

Do you SEE what they’re telling you about Barbie going in there? This is HUGE. And if you really want to feel the weight of it, the full impact of it, listen… I don’t know what to tell you, read BEGIN TRANSMISSION. That’s what I wrote it for! 😌

35:29 – Gloria is drawing Barbie in her PINK western outfit. Look how SAD the drawing looks in her facial expression. Look at the drawing on the left, with ROYAL BLUE tears. And do you remember what I said to you about BLUE AND PINK TOGETHER? 

Gloria is drawing (upholding) the lies of society by working at the company that oppresses Barbie. That it’s Gloria doing this is super important. There’s more evidence for this later, but that Gloria drew those ROYAL BLUE tears shows you CONNECTION. To who?

Who’s she drawing? BARBIE. If Gloria’s daughter, Sasha, is the little girl inside Barbie that she never got to be, what does that make Gloria? THE ADULT WOMAN BARBIE IS INSIDE.

Unlike the Matrix where Trinity was a manifestation of Neo’s self-actualization and who he wanted to be after transition, Gloria is not that. She’s Barbie’s INTERNAL adult woman, if that makes sense. Which it will, moreso, later on. Just trust me for a bit. We’ll get there.

But Gloria is here working at Mattel, as Neo worked at Metacortex, crushed and upholding the systems of oppression without realizing it. Because Barbie hasn’t yet woken up to the truth of her own transness and societal transphobia.

34:45 – “Irrepressible thoughts of death Barbie,” “full-body cellulite Barbie,” “crippling shame Barbie.” If Barbie thinking about dying was her thinking about change, or transition, “irrepressible thoughts of death” means I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT TRANSITIONING.

If cellulite appearing on Barbie was symbolic of her desire to transition to being a human woman, then “full-body cellulite” equals full transition. And how does society make trans people feel when we realize we’re trans and want to transition? Like it’s SHAMEFUL and WRONG.

And there’s also something to be said about how when you can’t stop thinking about transition, and what you should, could, and hope to be? “Irrepressible thoughts of death” and “crippling shame” on the surface level also ring of…

GENDER DYSPHORIA, which is going to wash over you and threaten to drown you in the darkened deep if you don’t do something about it. These few simple lines are so genius because of all the levels they work on. Here’s more on GENDER DYSPHORIA if you need it.

And look at the drawing Aaron holds up. PINK AND BLUE TOGETHER, transness. But she’s LOOKING AT THE YELLOW LINE AND THE YELLOW BY THE OTHER WOMAN, and the black splotchy darkness separates them.

The yellow is an earth tone. The trans woman is looking at the truth that she IS in fact a woman, but can’t see it clearly due to the darkness of the dysphoria swimming around her head. THIS ONE IMAGE SAYS SO DAMNED MUCH.

36:03 – The “top brass” that are “all the way up” are a bunch of cis men, talking about “empowering girls” without actually talking to any women or girls. They’re deciding what’s best for everyone without our input or consent. They’re in suits. AGENTS of the system.

YES, like THE MATRIX. You knew I was gonna say it, c’mon. There’s more evidence for this in a little bit, but I want to take a second to point out how cis men deciding what’s best for girls and women without talking to them… is also exactly what they do to us trans people.

36:10 – They believe they sell dreams and imagination and sparkle… “female agency,” but only as long as you conform to what their ideas of that are. What they actually sell is indoctrination into the false cis binary. 

Look at the Pink drumsticks, the CEO’s pink shirt, and pink tie. The pink chairs. The pink heart light over the table. lies Lies LIES LIIIIIEEEEES.

37:41 – Gloria overhears them talking about Barbie in the real world and is confused. “That’s impossible.” She thinks you can’t self-actualize and leave the fantasy (Barbie) land of the false cis binary, which is what so many of us are raised to believe.

38:00 – The CEO cishet white man in charge says Barbie getting out would be CATASTROPHIC. He knows the danger of letting trans people self-actualize and disprove the lies of Barbie Land aka the false cis binary.

38:18 – CEO: “No one rests until this doll is back in a box.” They’re LITERALLY BOXING US ALL IN. You will conform and fit in your box! Because to not is a danger to everything cishet white men built and control.

38:59 – Barbie finds the little (now teen) girl, Sasha, at a table with her friends. 

39:30 – The response from the kids is not what Barbie’s hoping for, it’s all stunned silence and looks. Sasha, “Who are you?” The little girl inside doesn’t recognize her, because conforming to the rigid gender binary was never what she wanted or who she was.

40:35 – Sasha: “You’ve been making women feel bad about themselves since you were invented. You represent everything wrong with our culture. Sexualized capitalism, unrealistic physical ideals.” 

Barbie: “Barbie is so much more than that.”

Sasha: “You set the feminist movement back 50 years. You destroyed girls’ innate sense of worth…”

Okay so there’s this thing that trans women especially have to deal with, where society says A Woman Is X, and so to be seen as the women we are, we feel we have to conform to those things… even if they’re not who we really are.

Cis society upholds this in all kinds of ways. If I put MAKEUP on before going out, I’m much more likely to get gendered correctly by people I interact with because I am CONFORMING to their idea of a woman (even though I personally like makeup, that’s irrelevant).

See the trans tuesday on MISGENDERING AND PASSING for more info.

And somehow EVEN WORSE than that is that we used to be required, YES DAMN IT, ***REQUIRED*** to conform to stereotypes just so cis people would ~ALLOW~ us the medical care we need. AGAIN see the trans tuesday on TRANSMEDICALISM (and WPATH standards of care 1).

So when we DON’T want those things, don’t want to BE those things, it can be extra hard to even realize our transness, much less figure out who we really are. MATRIX RESURRECTIONS deals with this too, about the EXPECTATIONS OF WOMEN affecting trans women.

And so you think… I don’t want to be THAT kind of woman, so maybe I’m NOT a woman (even though we are). And do you know what so many of us do then? Try to double-down on manhood and playing the part that wounds us. So what does Ken do?

41:43 – Ken gets books, “Why Men Rule (literally)” and “The Origins of the Patriarchy.” If you look at the shelf of books they’re all about things that conform to the narrow idea of what society says men can be. Let’s learn how to be a man and do that, that’ll make transness go away!

Next week you’re going to get strong, irrefutable proof (truly!) of transness in Barbie, a whole lot more Matrix connections, and we’ll see if Barbie can escape her own Metacortex, and what that means for her.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

5PART 5 is here!

THE INTENTIONAL (!) TRANS ALLEGORY OF BARBIE, part 3

Welcome to #TransTuesday! Tillyvision continues with THE INTENTIONAL (!) TRANS ALLEGORY OF BARBIE (the movie), PART 3! We’re gonna engage with the subconscious, and take our first steps into the real world as ourselves. Things are gonna get weird!

Of course, be sure you begin with PART 1 and all the context you need.

And PART 2, covering the first act of the movie!

19:23 – Look at the very weird path to Weird Barbie’s weird house, and how uncomfortable Barbie is (now in EVEN MORE ROYAL BLUE AS SHE CONNECTS WITH HER SUBCONSCIOUS).

This is another (looser) visual reference to THE MATRIX, when Neo was on the path to talk with HIS subconscious, Morpheus. Then, as here in BARBIE, the path is winding and confusing when you’re digging through your own subconscious to find the truth.

Not only are both paths scary and winding, both of them RISE. Both Barbie and Neo have to climb the foreboding, twisting path to honestly connect with their subconscious. You have to root through all your thoughts and feelings if you want to be ready for what awaits.

19:30 – As Barbie approaches weird Barbie’s house: “I would never wear heels if my feet were shaped this way.” I WOULD NEVER WEAR THIS CLOTHING THAT DOES NOT FIT THE WAY MY BODY IS, IT MAKES ME FEEL BAD. It’s transness up and down all day long.

As we get Weird Barbie’s intro, I remind you again that she’s Barbie’s subconscious. She’s in pink because Barbie doesn’t yet know if what her subconscious is going to tell her is the truth (Morpheus at times appeared in colors relating to doubt for Neo, too).

But what her subconscious is telling her, on its face, is that she’s trans. Pink and blue together, remember? What’s on Weird Barbie’s forehead? HER SUBCONSCIOUS IS TELLING BARBIE, ON ITS FACE, THAT SHE’S TRANS!

20:17 – Weird Barbie, re: Barbie’s feet: “Flat. Never seen that before.” Barbie “Can you fix them?” My body feels better this way but everyone says it should be another way, can I go back? But if you’re trans, you know what the subconscious is going to tell you.

20:33 – Weird Barbie, re: Ken: “I’d like to see what kind of nude blob he’s packing under those jeans.” A good joke about the dolls, BUT if Ken is Barbie’s false male persona… the subconscious is saying it knows what’s going on in the crotch isn’t what’s “expected.”

20:50 – Weird Barbie asks what preceded the flat feet. Barbie: “Thoughts of death.” Thinking about change and transition ALLOWED her to change her body in ways she liked. It obviously takes more than just thought, but this is metaphor. And transition begins in the mind.

21:10 – “There is a rip in the continuum that is the membrane between Barbie Land and the real world.” Dunno how many times I’ve said it, but when you wake up to the cis binary matrix being a lie, you start to see all the OTHER lies society also tells you. You see the truth.

21:18 – Weird Barbie “…if you want to be stereotypical Barbie perfect again, then baby girl, you gotta go fix it. Or you’re gonna keep going funny. Look at your upper thigh.” And there’s cellulite. More body changes, which freak Barbie out.

But Barbie’s transition in the surface story is from artificiality to a real woman, right? Which is allegorically a transition from a false shell of a “cis” man to a trans woman. So the cellulite represents another body-changing step along that path to the true her.

Also note that her subconscious calls her “BABY GIRL.” This is the start of Barbie’s journey to her true self. Trans people who’ve only just realized and accepted are often described as “baby trans.” It’s not derogatory, it just indicates the beginning of a new stage of life.

21:25 – Weird Barbie: “…and then you’re gonna start getting sad and mushy and complicated.” So, funny thing! For a lot of trans people, being on the right hormones allows us access to emotions we couldn’t experience before, because dysphoria kept us so closed off.

See the trans tuesday on GENDER DYSPHORIA for what that’s like.

And so yeah, if you don’t “fix” your transness (which can’t be done, but DAMN do so many of us try, over and over again), you’re going to transition and open yourself up to a whole flood of really strong, messy, complicated feelings and changes.

21:35 – Weird Barbie: “You have to go to the real world, and you have to find the girl that is playing with you.” To figure this out, Barbie needs to get in touch with her inner little girl, the one she never got to be, and find out what’s going on.

21:50 – Weird Barbie: “Her thoughts and feelings and humanness are interfering with your dollness.” Isn’t it weird that when we start becoming our true self, it interferes with us upholding the artificiality of gender assigned at birth? How ‘bout that!

22:05 – Barbie feels she can’t be responsible because all she’s ever wanted was for everything to stay exactly as it is. And again, you do NOT know how many times trans people often just keep trying to wish our transness away.

The life upheaval it causes (and it SHOULDN’T, but our transphobic society makes it so) and the way so many of us lose family, friends, homes, and jobs after coming out… we KNOW what we’re risking. We try to bury it and be the cis person we’re told to be. It doesn’t work.

22:21 – In one of the very MOST clear visual references to THE MATRIX, Weird Barbie offers Barbie the two shoes, just as Morpheus offered Neo the two pills.

And JUST LIKE in the MATRIX, this is what establishes the meanings of these two colors (or color families, in BARBIE’S case). In the MATRIX, the red was for truth and the blue for doubt.

In BARBIE, the pink is a high heel, showing you IT is the doubt or lies. Go back to your “regular” life and forget any of this ever happened, even though it will cause you pain and discomfort and contort your body in ways you hate.

The EARTH TONED Birkenstock is to know the truth about the universe, and to find comfort and support. COULD MS. GERWIG BE ANY CLEARER?

Barbie tries to deny her truth and picks the high heel, but Weird Barbie, her subconscious, knows that’s not right. She’s not having it.

23:01 – Weird Barbie won’t let her ignore it all. “I just gave you a choice so you could feel some sense of control.” This is ANOTHER MATRIX connection, especially to RELOADED, where Neo is wondering if he ever had a choice at all and struggling with the issue of CONTROL.

23:05 – Weird Barbie: “You have to fix the rip yourself.” This is ANOTHER MATRIX connection as it’s a reframing of the message of the first movie: YOU are “The One” you’ve been waiting for to save you. You. Can. Save. Yourself. (by choosing to transition) 

23:46 – Barbie: “How do I find this girl?” Weird Barbie, “You will know.” ANOTHER MATRIX connection as it’s a reframing of, Neo: “Are you telling me I can dodge bullets?” Morpheus: “I’m saying when you’re ready, you won’t have to.”

24:21 – The banner reads, “bon voyage to reality and good luck restoring the membrane that separates our world from theirs so you don’t get cellulite.” It’s PINK. aka SURE HOPE YOU CAN FIX YOUR PROBLEM AND KEEP UPHOLDING THE CIS BINARY, YOU ANOMALY.

24:56 – Barbie: “I just don’t want to leave. I’m trying to find reasons not to leave.”

25:12 – Barbie: “I’ll be back in no time with perfect feet and we’ll forget that this happened.”

Again, so many times, we try to find reasons NOT to transition. To pretend we’re not trans. 

It never works.

As Barbie leaves, she’s in pink because she has doubts about what she’s going to find, and as we just saw from those lines she’s trying very hard to doubt her truth. But Ken is in pink and blue together, her transness is still there. She’s TRYING to leave it behind.

25:43 – “Closer to Fine” by The Indigo Girls plays as she drives.

And just look at the lyrics to the song, which are all about finding answers on your own, and not as outlined by the expectations of society.

I’m trying to tell you something ’bout my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
And the best thing you ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously

No everything is NOT black and white, not cis man or cis woman only. Maybe not playing by those rules will help you find what you’re looking for.

Well, darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable
And lightness has a call that’s hard to hear
And I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it
I’m crawling on your shores

Dysphoria is unending and the truth is hard to accept. We try to deny that truth and embrace what we know is wrong, and we’re left with the wreckage of our lives. I’m not going to put the rest of the lyrics in here, but it goes on just like that.

This is the most famous song from one of the most well-known queer bands, and it appearing at this moment is a CHOICE. Barbie already knowing all the words is definitely telling you something. Are you listening?

26:09 – Ken pops up in the back seat singing and she screams. She was trying to run from her transness, leave it behind, reaffirm her cisness. But before she’s even halfway there, a reminder. Hey! You’re still trans. But now Ken’s all in pink (doubt), just like her.

27:30 – Barbie and Ken rollerblading into the real world in their most ostentatious outfits. There’s a lot going on here. Barbie’s first steps into the real world, closer to her true self. Ken is there, pinks and blues (ROYAL blues) are together. It’s kinda garish and she’s gawked at.

And interestingly, there’s this thing that happens with trans folks, especially trans women, where when a lot of us first start transition we don’t at all know what we like or want to wear, or what looks good on us, and sometimes we end up wearing really weird stuff.

Trying to figure it all out is a process, which I talked about in the trans tuesday on FINDING OUR TRANS STYLE.

But she’s gawked at. Laughed at. Stared at. And I cannot tell you how often that happens to trans people, ESPECIALLY early on in our transitions. See the trans tuesday on STOP STARING AT US (trans people are human beings).

27:50 – Further, she’s sexualized by men. And as an early transition trans woman, yeah, that’s definitely something you likely never experienced when the world thought you were a cis man, and even though you know it exists it’s still a jolt to the system to experience it.

28:25 – Ken likes it. “I feel admired, but not ogled. And there’s no undertone of violence.” Barbie: “Mine very much has an undertone of violence.” While this very accurately describes the way men and women are treated in society in general…

This is ALSO a thing trans women early in transition suddenly have to deal with. The world SAW me as a cis man before, and that did not come with the sexualization OR implied violence that comes with being a woman (ESPECIALLY a trans woman).

28:53 – Barbie responds to the catcalling, “I would just like to inform you, I do not have a vagina.” Do you… do you know what trans women are not born with? I bet you do.

Barbie gestures to Ken. “And he does not have a penis.” If Ken is her false male shell, she likely never WANTED him to have one, as it’s a huge source of dysphoria for many trans women.

29:16 – Ken: “Everything’s like almost reversed here.” VERY much how it feels when you go from perceived cis man to being seen as the trans woman you are. Society turns on its head in the way it treats you.

Come back next week, when you’ll see that, after not liking the response to transness we see in society, we try to pull back… and that leads to all kinds of problems.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.
tillysbridges@gmail.com

PART 4 is here!